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Mrs Hooligan's Christmas Cake
Last updated: 22.01.22
I owe "Mrs Hooligan's Christmas Cake" to an anonymous surfer who e-mailed for information on a similarly named song. This title was in my copy of Geoffrey Brace's Something to Sing. This is a very amusing Dominic Behan (bless him!) and very, very Irish ditty on an inedible Christmas cake concocted by the named lady.
It's great to sing and a bit of a jaw-breaker. It reminds me very much of the Christmas cake which my wicked mother in a sudden passion of maternal devotion sent to me from England when I was serving on HMS Victorious in the Far East in the early 1960's. The cake was at least six-months travelling the world in the steamy holds of various ships and finally arrived in Singapore and the tiny "post office" on board my ship. Unfortunately, I was "up-country" in Malaya (Fraser's Hill in the Cameron Highlands, in fact) doing my bit for Queen and country, and was not therefore in the position to claim this token of motherly affection. I arrived back onboard some two-weeks later to face the hostile wrath of the lone jaunty (a humble Leading Patrolman, ship's police for those not in the know) who, in doing his duty, had to share his tiny "office" with a malodorous and completely demolished "parcel". After listening to many dire threats and unflattering remarks about Greenies and their antecedents, I finally received my Christmas cake which I immediately handed on to Neptune ("ditching it" is the more precise naval expression). It was no particular surprise to notice that the Singapore sea gulls (shite-hawks, in inelegant naval usage) had no marked appetite for it either and that's saying something. These avian wonders are not famed for being choosy!
Before ditching, I did however recover the heavily stained Xmas card for later use. After the smell died down, my mother and I sent this card back and forth to each other several years, each time striking through the old messages and writing new.
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